Apparently you make a good broom.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
