She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
