Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
