I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
