Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
