Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
