some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
