I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
