Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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