All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
