just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
