dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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