Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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