I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ruined the universe
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
