Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize