I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
