you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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