If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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