So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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