I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
