all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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