he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
