No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
