theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize