i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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