he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
