My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
