and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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