I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
