The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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