My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
