based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Say something about gay babies.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
