I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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