I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I AM VODKA MAN
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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