did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
