Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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