Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
