i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
