Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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