so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
