I can text with my tongue
Do vagina's smell?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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