I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize