hotel room ftw
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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