she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize