My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
