I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
