Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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