I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
