She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My balls are so social today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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