..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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