Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
