Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
