They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
