Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
