I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
