he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
