How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize