My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
