I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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