woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize