How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
