I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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