MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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