She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
