im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
