summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
