I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
