If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
