oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
