I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
