I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
