So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
