So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
