WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize