i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
