Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize