you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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