just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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