honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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