Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
