Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
