I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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