I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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