Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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