My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
