i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
