every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
