Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize