I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
