Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
