'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Duck Duck Cougar?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
