You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
