erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
