I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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