and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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