I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
