sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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