he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
