I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
