It's Friday. Sex?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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