what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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