Nicole vs. Life
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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