i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My bed smells like the plague
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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