Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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