i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
