I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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