I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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