Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
