I will die if light touches me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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