You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
