Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
