It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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