i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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