guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize