So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
