The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
