you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
