He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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