I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
