So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy sore nipples Batman
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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