Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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