addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
