his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sex in a hospital.. check
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize