Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
