3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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