Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
