pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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