You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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