This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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